past post

i wrote this awhile ago just found it browsing my computer i dont remember writing this ever funny how that works

Well I’m writing this off line right now and ill post it later I wish I had internet but I guess I’m just too cheap to get it or too lazy to get my own. My roommate is the same as me though I think he will give in before me lol so I will probly just end up splitting it with him (: p) he said maybe sometime in February if it does happen I’ll be posting more often .till then for any of you if anybody reads what I right here you just got to wait.

So this past weekend was MLK weekend I partied a bit I at a house my buddy took me to (it was his friend’s place) it was rather awkward at points of the night. I had this chick that idk it just felt like she was all over me. She kissed me at one point of the night (I wasn’t expecting it rather got me by surprise) as much as I wanted too; l I didn’t get with her. She was cute really cute I don’t know why she was over me I know I’m nothing really to look at I know I’m in the army but still I have a bit extra on me.

Now that’s it’s been a little bit since I last posted it’s given me time to think on things. I think I mentioned that when I went in to the therapist, she said that I have problems with binge eating it made me think on if I’m just being dramatic with everything idk I just don’t want to make it seem like my life is so hard cause I mean yea parts about it are hard as help but other parts are way easier then others (well maybe) it could just be my pride making me say all that but yea. Even though I never want to admit to it I know I need help at times or rather a lot of times. Its part of the reason I got the tattoo on my left shoulder. (It says “pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall”

I really don’t know what to think anymore with the relationship I am in. I guess it’s just a mix of distance and not seeing each other that’s bothering me. It just doesn’t feel like it’s really there let alone more and more I think she needs to grow up a little … she’s just not being as responsible as I would like her to be maybe  I am asking too much of her. I haven’t talked to her in a while so I don’t know how she is feeling on things .I don’t think it’s too far  out there to say that she probly thinks everything is hunky dory and perfect. But yea more and more I’m getting 2^nd thoughts and I know shed freak if I told her that. Things are just growing apart. I’m starting to get used to not depending and not be so needing and attached on a person(i.e. on a girlfriend) I know I used to be really needy and I believe it was all a mix of hope I was raised and the 1^st major relationship I was in.

Whatever made me that way at least I’m not as much that way anymore, though if life goes on as it has been ill most likely unintentaly push most everyone that I truly care about out of my life. Part of me wants to so I can’t hurt them cause I’m rather not that nice of person. If I really wanted too I could make just about anyone 2^nd guess their self. I've make all my ex-girlfriends cry when (and after) I was dating them and made them have mental break down. I guess it’s something I can do just after a little while of knowing a person a lot of times I can tell where a person’s self-image lies and if I really wanted too I could hit them hard with it. Maybe it’s from growing up with my father and him always yelling at my mother, sister and myself all the time; or it could be how I have a tendency to watch people and what they say, how they say it, what they don’t say, how they act and what they are wearing. I can analyze all that fairly quickly and figure out their personality and what they are self-conscience about. I am not always spot on but I am usually pretty close. Girls/women are easier then guys but I can still work them out {on a side note 2 things that really tells someone about their self is how they have their hair and what kind of shoes they wear)

Well I’m taking my meds and going to bed later

so again its been awhile  again since i posted so i figured id get on it again . this past week has been a hell of a week. Or at the very least thats what it seems like to me. to start off with last week end my car died on me i think its the starter  or alternator I'm not for sure yet. ill find out when i mess with it on payday.
so before that happened early on Friday i had my end of month review counseling with one of my ncos and basically if i don't pass my next height and weight/ tape test; paperwork will be started . i still don't know what to make of that yet. [art of me is freaked out that there is a small possibility i could lose some of my benefits ... but at the same time i want to get out uggy anyways sooner or later ill figure that out  anyways

I'm tired i know this is sort of a short entry but its something right  and also if you read this it'd be wonderful to know if someone does read this
AeonScout

Tales of a Idiot Private

So i will tell you how i almost ran myself over with a Bradley fighting vehicle www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&biw=1787&bih=838&q=bradley+fighting+vehicle+m2a3&gbv=2&oq=bradley+fight&aq=5&aqi=g7g-m3&aql=&gs_sm=1&gs_upl=439l2936l0l5036l13l13l0l3l3l0l95l785l10l10l0 so my unit was coming back in from training and just got to the wash rack(IE think military vehicle car wash)

Now, with the road wheels: the wheels that support the track on the bradley; mud and everything gets stuck in the "rims" of these wheels. Thus, when you wash the bradley you cant just spray the wheels clean with a power washer because the mud tends to harden on the inside of the "rim" of the wheel. When that happens out comes the hammer,old rusty screw driver and chisel to pound the rock hard dried mud out. it may seem easy but know that the wheels are "rimmed" on both sides. therefore not only do you have to work out the mud on the outside part of the wheels but you also have to crawl underneath the bradley to chisel out the mud. Witch in my mind is a very unpleasant task because generally others are spraying the bradely with water from hue high powered hoses and being in the army people aren't all that careful to not spray you in the face (let alone laying on the ground underneath the thing that is being cleaned doesn't help either)

now that you hopefully have a basic idea of a Bradley(and washing it) I'll get on with my wonderful story

so we just get in to the wash rack from training (i am the one driving and we pull up inline to go though the birdbath.The bird bath is a pool of water about 2-3 feet deep with rivies you drive though to try and looses up all the hardened dirt and mud. Leading to the bird bath its a slight incline to keep the water in the pool like area. On that incline is right where the line a vehicles lined up and i ended up right in the middle of that incline when we lined up before the wash rack opened. Since we had some time my gunner wanted me to start makeing some head way on cleaning the wheels. So me still being fairly new to the unit and it being my 1st unit was wanting to move as fast as i could; you know so i look like a hard worker and such. So i grab my tools from behind me and hop out to crawl underneath the Bradley. i figured hit up underneath with the harder parts first, just makes sense right? so i get down with the first wheel feeling quite proud how i did that one. i was motivated to move on to the next one and did a good job on that too. i move to the 3rd and start going to town on that one. part way through i see a large rock sort of lodged in the track. i know it will have to come out sooner or later so i started hitting it with the hammer . The rock starts to chip away, as I'm doing this i hear the track creak, i didn't think much of it at the time. i eventually hit the rock out and continue on with that 3rd road wheel. i chip away at the wheel afew more times then i realize that 1 of 3 things are happening 1) the world is moving ........2) i am moving... or .. 3 ) the Bradley is moving ...... Now entice yourself with the small detail that i am still under this 30-some TON vehicle . i quickly realize that its the bradly moving and think to m self "OH CRAP I'M A DEAD MAN" To make matters worse my platoon Sargent at the time was standing right there to see this whole thing happen. he told me afterword " i never seen someone move that fast from under a bradley and in to the drivers seat i swear you just jumped from the ground up 5 feet straight into the drivers hole." Now as much as he was impressed by what just happened i knew i was doomed for the next few hours because i knew i didn't do something that was terribly important. I did not set the parking brake properly. By not ensuring the brake was properly set i could have killed/ injured myself and or someone eles and damaged more military then what i did . In the end the out come was a damage headlight on a M113(screw the 11C(mortar-men) I'm a scout ) that the bradley backed in to and a very fun and entertaining amount of corrective training at the wash rack for myself.


Even though i laugh at it now it scared me half to death at the time

till next time
AeonScout

my idols/people i respect

Its been little over a week i think since i last updated so its time to update .. so it was about a year since i found/figured out one of the people i have some of the greatest respect for ( that was terrible grammar) and its a mix of things that has convinced me that this guy is awesome .. one of the main reasons is from this http://youtu.be/rv-SQc6LA2E i didn't see the trailer myself till about April of last year if i remember right(and i saw this(with Geoff around the same time) and i reacted slightly similar but with my sister not as bad as how Geoff(Lazer Ramsey) reacted .. ... now with Geoff hes like the idol of what i wish i could of become . call me crazy but yea. its hard to explain i guess. its a mix of things one he was in the army ( with the mos id re-enlist for ) he has a ton a tattoos( atleast more then me) , has a amazing group of friends he works with and also has amazing family.
Or maybe it could be from when ever have a shit ass day or whatnot not Geoff just amuses me in the fails of the weak videos(or is it the fails lol)
Or rather at the very least with this its the persona that is given and i have interpreted. also with the tattoos i really want full sleeves but with how i don't want to do as a career and such and i know some jobs may not like a employee to have. Thus I'm nervous to get mine started so i only got stuff on my legs and upper chest.(i have 6 so far) Anyways just to name a few others i look up to and have respect for Garrison Keillor, Burnie Burns(also from RT), Queen Elizabeth II, Peter Jennings, Col. David. H. Hackworth, and SSG Hucks(one of my ncos i deployed with to iraq)


call these people my idols, my heroes, my inspirations or whatever you can think of but know that these are amazing people to me for a mix of different reasons give me time (lots of time) and ill explain why for each person and why.

AeonScout

me tired

RAWR !!!!!! i am so tired tonight and i really dont feel like doing much of anything >< and that includes  proper grammer and spelling.  So, you will have to suffer my wrath of even worse then normal crappy wanna be rants on bullshit.

so its soon to be another weekend and im glad as hell for it too .. its been a hell of a week!  lately ive been trying to be half way better at my job and help who the only e5 in my platoon thats here.(we got 2other ncos at school )I know it may not be much but ive been trying to take care of this one guy and he tends to be very timid and always be needing reassurance and crap. So in turn by helping out with him i hope it helps alittle bit with taking him off my nco. but hes on extra duty and freaking out over everything. like he got a call for a appt reminder and forgot/didnt know about it for that day and freaked out at me that hes makeing him self a 'thorn in the side" of our 3 ncos (a e5,6 and 7) in our plt for all his appts he has. But really hes makeing himself more of a pain to them by freaking out over everything . i told him the thing for him to do is to get him self better(hes been seeing mental health) and get better at running so he can pass his pt test. I also told him that i also see mental health and i know its a continueing effort to make one's self better in that area . hell im still trying to make my self better and im still haveing major problems after over a year of seeing someone. though my problem may lay in the fact that i forget to take my meds in the morning and at lunch sometimes



anyways thats my rant on my random bs its time for bed
btw talking to one of my old ncos tonight was good  it cheered me up though took away from me writing something longer here
AeonScout

short and sweet

rooster teeth is awesome as aways  dont got more to say tonight ^^

off line post XD

 (totaly post dated this)       

       Well, I’m writing this off line right now and ill post it later I wish I had Internet but I guess I’m just too cheap to get it or too lazy to get my own. My roommate is the same as me though I think he will give in before me lol so I will probably just end up splitting it with him (: p) he said maybe sometime in February if it does happen I’ll be posting more often .till then for any of you if anybody reads what I right here you just got to wait.

So this past weekend was MLK weekend I partied a bit I at a house my buddy took me to (it was his friend’s place) it was rather awkward at points of the night. I had this chick the idk it just felt like she was all over me. She kissed me at one point of the night (I wasn’t expecting it rather got me by surprise) as much as I wanted too; l I didn’t get with her. She was cute really cute I don’t know why she was over me I know I’m nothing really to look at I know I’m in the army but still I have a bit extra on me.

Now that’s it’s been a little bit since I last posted it’s given me time to think on things. I think I mentioned that when I went in to the therapist, she said that I have problems with binge eating it made me think on if I’m just being dramatic with everything idk I just don’t want to make it seem like my life is so hard cause I mean yea parts about it are hard as help but other parts are way easier then others (well maybe) it could just be my pride making me say all that but yea. Even though I never want to admit to it I know I need help at times or rather a lot of times. Its part of the reason I got the tattoo on my left shoulder. (It says “pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall”

I really don’t know what to think anymore with the relationship I am in. I guess it’s just a mix of distance and not seeing each other that’s bothering me. It just doesn’t feel like it’s really there let alone more and more I think she needs to grow up a little … she’s just not being as responsible as I would like her to be maybe  I am asking too much of her. I haven’t talked to her in a while so I don’t know how she is feeling on things .I don’t think it’s too far  out there to say that she probably thinks everything is hunky dory and perfect. But yea more and more I’m getting 2^nd thoughts and I know shed freak if I told her that. Things are just growing apart. I’m starting to get used to not depending and not be so needing and attached on a person(i.e. on a girlfriend) I know I used to be really needy and I believe it was all a mix of hope I was raised and the 1^st major relationship I was in.

Whatever made me that way at least I’m not as much that way anymore, though if life goes on as it has been ill most likely incidentally push most everyone that I truly care about out of my life. Part of me wants to so I can’t hurt them cause I’m rather not that nice of person. If I really wanted too I could make just about anyone 2^nd guess their self. I've make all my ex-girlfriends cry when (and after) I was dating them and made them have mental break down. I guess it’s something I can do just after a little while of knowing a person a lot of times I can tell where a person’s self-image lies and if I really wanted too I could hit them hard with it. Maybe it’s from growing up with my father and him always yelling at my mother, sister and myself all the time; or it could be how I have a tendency to watch people and what they say, how they say it, what they don’t say, how they act and what they are wearing. I can analyze all that fairly quickly and figure out their personality and what they are self-conscience about. I am not always spot on but I am usually pretty close. Girls/women are easier then guys but I can still work them out {on a side note 2 things that really tells someone about their self is how they have their hair and what kind of shoes they wear)

AeonScout

Well I’m taking my meds and going to bed later

(Jan 18 9pm)

oh i has internet now <3

yey for my med issues

so its been about two weeks since i last posted ...well really a week and a half . i really hate not being able to get anymore often. but since i don't have internet in my room in TX right now its rather hard to post when i want to .. so when my buddy in the room next to me said he was going out and i could use his computer and stuff .. i was in there before he even finished talking


        anyways, Ive been thinking bout alot of things since Ive been back in Texas; just with the future and what i want . Part of the reason i have been thinking on these things is that Ive been going to a mix of doctor appointments , both for my legs and for mental health.

          With my legs basically i have multiple fascial hernias on my outer portion of both my calf's.. i haven't been able to run for 3 months now because of it .. the physical therapist is talking about possible having me go on a permanent profile(basically its army papers that say I'm not supposed to run and when i do the APFT( army physical fitness test) i get to do a variation on running IE walking or biking and i think swimming is one other the options too....So i went to see the Otho clinic to see what they thought of it and see what they also thought on if i should have surgery or not.. basically as long as it doesn't get worse or larger i shouldn't have the surgery mostly because it raises the likeliness of compartment syndrome which may be an underlying factor anyways already . therefore with the army downsizing its just another thing that will hinder re-enlistment (if i decide i want to ) besides from being flagged for over weight

 

 

                      Like i said before i also have been going to mental heath for the problems i have .. i am now seeing 3 different doctors :a therapist/ councilor works with social services , a psychologist who proscribes me meds ,and a 2 therapist/councilor. the reason for the 2nd councilor therapist is that shes doing what is referred to as bio-feed back basically it takes readings from your body and graphs them .. blood pressure ,pulse ,how much your hands sweat the temp of your hands(in course tells you how your circulation is) and also puts probes on a muscle group so see how tense you get there .. Ive been there only once so far and just had the initial test readings done and it was found that i have a very very high adrenaline that is constantly released and that it is evident that i have dealt with this probably for a long time ( witch is shown by the steady normal heart rate i kept even though out the spikes in adrenaline .And what does that mean ? well basically the chemical imbalance of the abnormally high adrenaline contributes to my bad anxiety and for the fact that i don't get to sleep well and that i can stay up for hours/days on end and not feel the effects as majorly as others do ... she said that shes rarely seen someone manage to keep their pules that steady with that much adrenaline. and it just goes to prove that i do have problems that need fixed in my life.

             anyways on a side note my friend A~~ the drama went up high and the guy she was looking at had his head in the clouds and between the two of them idk its seems to work out as just friends or what ever though others took it sort of crazy and may have gotten out of hand but i really don't know I've been gone out of the state back to Texas and i try to mostly stay out of it i think it turned out as best as it could considering the circumstances.... anyways A~~ has been staying with her dad in Kansas and she goes back to Wisconsin tomorrow so i hope that goes good for her .. i think shes getting home sick for her bird and Wisconsin and maybe alittle board of it there since she doesn't know too many people there but i know she likes being with her dad so least they have that time when he isn't working I'm glad she can do that {^-^}

                    well me and C~~ idk what will happen we really arnt talking anymore we were arguing a bit too the other day ... theres also stuff i want to tell her but i haven't had the heart to really say it (IE she needs to shape up and basically be more responsible . i don't think she really understand that life in some way will aways suck in one form or an other ... i just want her to really put her life on track to succeed i know i haven't done the best for my self at times but i just want to see her do well .. go to school and do school work and not skip classes and turn in paperwork on time(ie grants tuition aid and such ;help around her grandparents place where she still lives, take better care of all the pets she has manly her dog .. zoey needs to be taken out on a walk almost every day she is a puppy still and needs that exercise let alone C~~ could use it too idk where this will go... time will tell

                 Before i left WI i met M~ and shes turned out to be amazing lol she adopted a puppy from the local humane association and sounds like he is doing well ^^ A~~ M~~ and myself brought him back it was alot of fun that day anyways i hope she remains a friend and such though out the years .. she was really nice lol

                          so with the meds I'm one they seem to help i hope things only get better ... cause it was a rough Ive had a few sessions with the councilor that does social work now and well after so much talking and such she says i have a eating disorder ... i don't know what to make of it yet .. i mean yea i know i don't have good eating habits all the time but still ... don't know if i want to admit it ... its not like a major one like anorexia or bulimia but still (binge eating disorder http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/binge-eating-disorder/DS00608

well im taking my meds and kicking it in bed

AeonScout