i wrote this awhile ago just found it browsing my computer i dont remember writing this ever funny how that works
Well I’m writing this off line right now and ill post it later I wish I had internet but I guess I’m just too cheap to get it or too lazy to get my own. My roommate is the same as me though I think he will give in before me lol so I will probly just end up splitting it with him (: p) he said maybe sometime in February if it does happen I’ll be posting more often .till then for any of you if anybody reads what I right here you just got to wait.
So this past weekend was MLK weekend I partied a bit I at a
house my buddy took me to (it was his friend’s place) it was rather awkward at
points of the night. I had this chick that idk it just felt like she was all
over me. She kissed me at one point of the night (I wasn’t expecting it rather
got me by surprise) as much as I wanted too; l I didn’t get with her. She was
cute really cute I don’t know why she was over me I know I’m nothing really to
look at I know I’m in the army but still I have a bit extra on me.
Now that’s it’s been a little bit since I last posted it’s
given me time to think on things. I think I mentioned that when I went in to
the therapist, she said that I have problems with binge eating it made me think
on if I’m just being dramatic with everything idk I just don’t want to make it
seem like my life is so hard cause I mean yea parts about it are hard as help
but other parts are way easier then others (well maybe) it could just be my
pride making me say all that but yea. Even though I never want to admit to it I
know I need help at times or rather a lot of times. Its part of the reason I
got the tattoo on my left shoulder. (It says “pride goes before destruction, a
haughty spirit before a fall”
I really don’t know what to think anymore with the
relationship I am in. I guess it’s just a mix of distance and not seeing each
other that’s bothering me. It just doesn’t feel like it’s really there let
alone more and more I think she needs to grow up a little … she’s just not
being as responsible as I would like her to be maybe I am asking too much of her. I haven’t talked
to her in a while so I don’t know how she is feeling on things .I don’t think it’s
too far out there to say that she probly
thinks everything is hunky dory and perfect. But yea more and more I’m getting
2nd thoughts and I know shed freak if I told her that. Things are
just growing apart. I’m starting to get used to not depending and not be so
needing and attached on a person(i.e. on a girlfriend) I know I used to be
really needy and I believe it was all a mix of hope I was raised and the 1st
major relationship I was in.
Whatever made me that way at least I’m not as much that way
anymore, though if life goes on as it has been ill most likely unintentaly push
most everyone that I truly care about out of my life. Part of me wants to so I can’t
hurt them cause I’m rather not that nice of person. If I really wanted too I
could make just about anyone 2nd guess their self. I've make all my ex-girlfriends
cry when (and after) I was dating them and made them have mental break down. I
guess it’s something I can do just after a little while of knowing a person a
lot of times I can tell where a person’s self-image lies and if I really wanted
too I could hit them hard with it. Maybe it’s from growing up with my father
and him always yelling at my mother, sister and myself all the time; or it
could be how I have a tendency to watch people and what they say, how they say it,
what they don’t say, how they act and what they are wearing. I can analyze all
that fairly quickly and figure out their personality and what they are
self-conscience about. I am not always spot on but I am usually pretty close.
Girls/women are easier then guys but I can still work them out {on a side note
2 things that really tells someone about their self is how they have their hair
and what kind of shoes they wear)
Well I’m taking my meds and going to bed later
